He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
