the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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