I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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