I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
