I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
