She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
