My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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