I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
