Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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