just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
