were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
