Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
