Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
