Michael Bay diarrhea
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
