Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
