we have pet lesbian snakes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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