Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
