Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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