I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
