swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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