I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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