did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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