i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
