remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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