I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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