the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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