What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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