I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
