I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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