I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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