Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
