I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I want to have your abortion
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
