Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
