I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
