I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
