My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
