I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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