You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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