Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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