somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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