hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
