K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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