i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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