did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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