shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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