God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
