I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
