Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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