literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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