she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
