We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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