Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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