I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
