i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
