I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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