You surviving the open bar?
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Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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